Something is not right. Four in five men in tech say that “women are treated equally” yet one in three women are planning to leave their tech job and one in four women have left the tech industry altogether. It’s clear that there is a difference between perception and reality. There have been some positive shifts in allyship - men becoming more involved in supporting gender equity - something that is necessary and urgent if we’re to make much needed progress. But we need to act decisively and as a collective to bridge the gap. In this blog I’m going to outline eleven ways you can help do just that.
From conversations throughout my career, I understand there are many nuances, challenges and blockers that prevent men from being active accomplices for women or gender diverse people. Whether you’re concerned about taking up space that isn't “meant for you”, afraid of saying the wrong thing or feel uncomfortable about acknowledging power, privilege and how you may have benefitted from systems of oppression, I want to invite you to lean into this discomfort. I hope some of these examples of allyship in action enable you to take your advocacy further. Because we need seismic change, now more than ever.
1. Diversify your network
There are so many incredible individuals, activists and communities who are celebrating, driving and showcasing DEI in tech. Follow them on socials, connect with them and their work, listen, amplify and explore paid partnerships with them. What would you like to understand more about? Who’s voices are missing from your timelines? Broaden your networks and reap the benefits.
2. Attend women in tech events
Find at least one women in tech event to attend this year. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, that’s OK. Feel the fear and do it anyway. And remember to de-centre yourself and your experiences to listen and learn about the lived experiences of people of other genders so you can advocate in less diverse spaces.
3. Say no to ‘manels’ (all-male panels)
If you're asked to speak at an event, ensure that the speaker lineup and/or panels are diverse. Ask who else is involved before you agree, recommend other speakers to bring more diverse perspectives to the discussion and give up your speaking spot if it means someone else gets an opportunity.
4. Interrogate your biases
We all have them and we need to be honest about how, where and when they show up. Before you overlook a woman on your team for a career opportunity because you don't want to overload her as she has a young family, ask whether she is interested and able to manage it first. Instead of asking a junior woman on the team to take notes or organize a team social, think about whether there is someone else.
You are not responsible for your first thought. You are responsible for your second thought and your first action.
You are not responsible for your first thought. You are responsible for your second thought and your first action.
5. Pay attention & get activated
Do you have balanced gender representation in your team? Where are the women in your organization? Are they in operational or entry level roles? Do you have diverse representation in your recent hires? It's likely there's still more work to be done here so raise this with your team and/or leaders, understand what the challenges are and get a cross-functional action plan in place.
6. Engage with other men who are allies
Follow their work, amplify them, see how they talk about equity. I recently discovered Lee Chambers (thanks to a recommendation from Reframe Women in Tech). Get comfortable with using your own voice to be an active ally for women and gender diverse people and share your perspectives in the spaces you occupy.
7. Learn about issues.
One of the biggest blockers to inclusion is people not actively engaging with topics that don't directly impact them. From fertility issues and menopause to the motherhood penalty, the gender pay gap and the invisible mental load, I invite you to get curious and think about how you might be able to support and advocate for positive change.
8. Give private and public praise
Recognise the contributions of women or gender diverse people around you. Let them know the impact they have had. A quick note to say “You did an excellent job presenting our progress to the client”, “Someone just told me the talk you gave was the best of the day” or sharing publicly on Linkedin the impact someone has had on you will help build someone's confidence.
9. Improve your awareness of microaggressions
These can be verbal or non-verbal behaviors that disproportionately impact women and other underrepresented groups. Examples of gendered microaggressions include - women or gender diverse people being ignored and/or interrupted in meetings, mistaken seniority, misgendering, inappropriate comments about their appearance, calling women ‘love’ or ‘sweetheart’ or describing assertive, confident women as “aggressive” or challenging”. Take notice.
10. Tackle inappropriate behavior
Whether these are microaggressions in the workplace or sexism and misogyny in your social circle, the standard that you walk by is the standard that you accept. Please consider calling folks in to examine their behavior. Here are some ways to do that in a non-confrontational way:
If someone makes an inappropriate comment, respond by saying "can you help me explain what you mean by that?" or “I’m really (uncomfortable/disappointed/surprised) by this comment.” or repeating what they said back to them with “Did I understand that correctly?” can flip people's perspective.
If a woman has been interrupted in a meeting, redirect the conversation to her by simply saying “I’m sorry, you were interrupted. What were you saying?”
If a woman's contributions have been overlooked, amplify them by saying “as [insert name here] said, this will deliver value because XYZ” or “[insert name here] has been working on a similar project so we should see if they are happy to share more with the team.”
If you observe inappropriate behavior in the workplace (this could be subtle or explicit) think about how best to address it (one to one, as a team, real time in the moment, after the event) and take appropriate action. Address the behavior, not the individual, focussing on the impact - “this is how it may have come across to some and I wanted to share this with you and understand your perspective.”
11. Learn how to apologize.
You WILL get things wrong. We ALL do. In her anti-racism book ‘The Good Ally’, Nova Reid offers practical tips and guidance around how to do this with sincerity, as well as how to set boundaries, manage expectations and proactively welcome feedback as you’re navigating how to be a more engaged ally. Grab a copy or listen to the audiobook to find out more.
There are many practical resources available, including the Men, Ask for More campaign which has a free, downloadable guide with practical tips and advice from experts. Men, it’s time to show you care about women's rights, not because you have sisters or a daughter, but because safety, respect and equity for all women (and indeed, all people) are basic human rights. Rights that you have the power and the opportunity to advocate for. Don't underestimate the positive impact we can have as we push for progress together.
Disclaimer: The statements and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the positions of Thoughtworks.